Monday, May 26, 2008

A.R.S.E.

This is NOT the humble aperture
That lies somewhere on your posterior
Its the Agriculture Research Service Examination
Taken by scores of agri post grads across the nation
Almost every year
And takers wait in fear
For the result, that comes out some time in October
Whatever that will be... atleast the worst is OVER

8 comments:

Chandni said...

thankgod the arse is done
we'll now watch FRIENDS with abandon
let this soyabean ppt get through
then we'll have a real nice do

Chandni said...

ps: I've tagged you on my blog. So now you have to write about the city YOU call home :)

Anonymous said...

Actually that orifice is not that humble. Here is s joke; laugh if you have not heard it before, flatulte (if there is such a word) if you have:

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the A.R.S.E, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the A.R.S.E and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the anus should be the boss.

The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work...

The 'asshole' is usually in charge!

Anonymous said...

Some inf about Ovarian Cysts

An ovarian cyst is any collection of fluid, surrounded by a very thin wall, within an ovary. Any ovarian follicle that is larger than about two centimeters is termed an ovarian cyst. An ovarian cyst can be as small as a pea, or larger than a cantaloupe.

Most ovarian cysts are functional in nature, and harmless (benign). In the US, ovarian cysts are found in nearly all premenopausal women, and in up to 14.8% of postmenopausal women. The incidence of ovarian carcinoma is approximately 15 cases per 100,000 women per year.

Ovarian cysts affect women of all ages. They occur most often, however, during a woman's childbearing years.

Some ovarian cysts cause problems, such as bleeding and pain. Surgery may be required to remove those cysts



Treatment

About 95% of ovarian cysts are benign, meaning they are not cancerous.

Treatment for cysts depends on the size of the cyst and symptoms. For small, asymptomatic cysts, the wait and see approach with regular check-ups will most likely be recommended.

Pain caused by ovarian cysts may be treated with:

*pain relievers, including nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs such as ibuprofen (Motrin, Advil), acetaminophen (Tylenol), or narcotic pain medicine (by prescription) may help reduce pelvic pain. NSAIDs usually work best when taken at the first signs of the pain.
*a warm bath, or heating pad, or hot water bottle applied to the lower abdomen near the ovaries can relax tense muscles and relieve cramping, lessen discomfort, and stimulate circulation and healing in the ovaries. Bags of ice covered with towels can be used alternately as cold treatments to increase local circulation.
*chamomile herbal tea (Matricaria recutita) can reduce ovarian cyst pain and soothe tense muscles.
*urinating as soon as the urge presents itself.
*avoiding constipation, which does not cause ovarian cysts but may further increase pelvic discomfort.
*in diet, eliminating caffeine and alcohol, reducing sugars, increasing foods rich in vitamin A and carotenoids (e.g., carrots, tomatoes, and salad greens) and B vitamins (e.g., whole grains).
*combined methods of hormonal contraception such as the combined oral contraceptive pill -- the hormones in the pills may regulate the menstrual cycle, prevent the formation of follicles that can turn into cysts, and possibly shrink an existing cyst. (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 1999c; Mayo Clinic, 2002e)
Also, limiting strenuous activity may reduce the risk of cyst rupture or torsion.

Cysts that persist beyond two or three menstrual cycles, or occur in post-menopausal women, may indicate more serious disease and should be investigated through ultrasonography and laparoscopy, especially in cases where family members have had ovarian cancer. Such cysts may require surgical biopsy. Additionally, a blood test may be taken before surgery to check for elevated CA-125, a tumor marker, which is often found in increased levels in ovarian cancer, although it can also be elevated by other conditions resulting in a large number of false positives.

For more serious cases where cysts are large and persisting, doctors may suggest surgery. Some surgeries can be performed to successfully remove the cyst(s) without hurting the ovaries, while others may require removal of one or both ovaries.

quintaqua said...

thanks alot. and the ass poem was really cute!!
thanks again for the info

Periwinkle said...

a new way of looking at ARS ha ha the poached eggs sitting in ASRB should be told that they are in charge of ARSE:)

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