trashy gothy

how unconventional is unconventional? and what is convention anyway. dump convention, norms and all... to hell with society that doesn't care for you till you do something outrageous enough to make them point fingers and pass around hot-cross-buns of gossip.i want to be a goth. without the piercing and all (ouch)... but there we go again, i wouldn't be a true goth n the gothic community wouldn't accept me. hey... wy be part of any community. being an individual would be better.. living by one's own rules

kelly clarkson: beeecozzz of youuu

"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself

Cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did,

You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid....

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake

A smile, a laugh everyday of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of youI am afraid

I watched you die

I heard you cry every night in your sleep

I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry in the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I try my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of youI'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you

I am afraid

Because of you

Because of you

sob sob sob

sniffle

PAARP (blowing nose)

once again

So IT had to happen. The finality of IT is so in-the-face. Nothing more, nothing less. It. The IT that happens. That doesn't happen, but does sometimes.
IT has many forms, and I've seen most of them... the false, the pretentious, the oh-so-true-now-and-forever.
I see IT and yet don't know.

white on blue

white scallops on a blue shore..or curd spattered on a blue counterpane?

a love story embellished white in a script arcane?

the silent refrain

plays on and on in my brain

agony contorts

and the devil cavorts

in this caged mind thats no longer sane

on and on, plays the silent lament

the silent prayer to dilute my predicament

but the torture persists

and the devil insists

its not just past, its dire portent

SS28011982

In medicine, the term syndrome is the association of several clinically recognizable features, signs, symptoms, phenomena or characteristics which often occur together, so that the presence of one feature alerts the physician to the presence of the others - A collection of physical signs and symptoms associated with a disease; a group of malformations that that occur together frequently enough to be recognized collectively as a distinct abnormal condition.

(I like):

A recognizable pattern or group of multiple signs, symptoms or malformations that characterize a particular condition; syndromes are thought to arise from a common origin and result from more than one developmental error during fetal growth. A constellation of signs (wow) and symptoms that recur regularly in clinical populations. a complex of concurrent things; "every word has a syndrome of meanings"

We are all walkin talkin syndromes

Its all programmed in our respective genomes

I have "sunainasinghsyndrome" I. D. SS28011982

And what syndrome, pray, have you?

The nog and the frightingale

Never had anyone begged me so much, so I couldn’t help but give in and sign for the post of literary secy, PGSSU. I’m a spineless wimp with no decisions of my own and NIL assertiveness. So, when I finally became LS (much to the disdain of my friends…. and to the delight of ‘certain elements’), I remembered a coupla lines from *Sickram Wait’s… ‘the *nog and the frightingale’
“ … far too nervous
far too tense
far too prone to influence…”

that’s so much like me

Breaking out of (brackets)

Enclosed in parentheses.

Excluded, yet important

Marked, yet separate

Pertaining to, yet not in it

Ensconced between two curves

Wanting to spill out -

and spread all over the page,

Uninhibited.

Let me burst forth in abandon -

delve into the depths of evil,

and seep into the crevices of iniquitousness.

Let me wrong all right -

undo all done,

gushing, rushing..

wreaking havoc to the hilt,

till the madness ebbs

and I simmer to an eddy

that creeps, congeals and hardens -

suspended in inert abeyance on the edge of nothingness.

lazepython

there's this certain python,

lazepython.

when it wraps itself around me , i feel peaceful warmth and ease

and want it even more with every squeeze

i breathe easier

life seems breezier

and i feel like i'm a langorous trail of molten cheese

memories

The memories are in faded monochrome

What remains is a whiff as if from a dried up rose stuck to the yellowed pages of a book

tears wept, empty promises and meaningless words whisperd with fake sincerity

a face

some dismembered sounds... mocking laughter

crunching and crackling of what was a heart...

Shards

Nyctanthes in the morning

Went for a morning jog. Swept my room, had a bath and did a bit of Pranayam. Plucked Nyctanthes (Har sringar)... those orange and white heady smelling flowers... Sounds like an ideal way to start the day? Sure is. This Dushehera I'm planning to fight the evil asuras of

• slothfulness


• untidiness


• disarrayed and disorganized state of mind and room


• greed (for unlimited supply of clothes)


• envy (of people with great jobs and love life)

Listening to Vishnu Sahasranaama and waiting for the tamasic N to wake up so that we can go for breakfast.

Somewhere Me

I wake up feeling lost and empty
Something tugging at my heart... an incompleteness
Fear of the unknown, worry of the known, dread of the sure .... all loom over me
Teetering on the brink of sanity I search for me, somewhere

CURLY FRIZZY UNRULY

CURLY FRIZZY UNRULY

that's my mane

drives me insane

conditioners and hair serum ... all down the drain

efforts to straighten the frizz are all in vain

mum sez 'its lovely hair!'.. i say its a pain

with a dowdy long plait i look like a plain jane

the frizzy rings behind my ears

move me very near tears

the frizziness atop my crown

gives me endless reasons to frown

Bohemian 'Symphony': Mozart's 38th

Courtesy (www.stevenledbetter.com)

Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgang Gottlieb Mozart composed the D-major symphony late in 1786 for the city of Prague. The score calls for two each of flutes, oboes, bassoons, horns, and trumpets, plus timpani and strings.
The Prague symphony exists because of the long and happy relationship between Mozart and the music-loving citizens of the Bohemian capital during the last years of the composer’s life. Almost a year before composing Don Giovanni for Prague, Mozart wrote a symphony for intended for that city (true, it had its premiere in Vienna, but it was heard in Prague a month later). Like the later opera, it is in the key of D and begins with slow and powerful opening music in the minor, with tension building almost to a breaking point through dissonance and chromatic harmonies. Mozart had evidently learned a great deal from Haydn’s symphonies, because the first movement of the symphony, built out of arrangements and developments of motivic figures more than “themes” per se, is almost monothematic. Mozart avoids any hint of monotony by his brilliant reworking of all the ideas throughout the movement. The Andante is also based on motivic structures to an unusual degree, and its sweetly lyrical character sometimes seems on the verge of being overwhelmed with more tensions like those of the introduction to the first movement, until the chromatic harmonies disperse and the sun reappears from behind the clouds.There is no Minuet movement in the Prague Symphony. In any case, it is unusual for Mozart to write a symphony with only three movements, and we do not know exactly why he did so. The very first idea of the lively and brilliant finale carries with it the suggestion of operatic comedy; the theme seems to evoke physical gesture on the stage. The first audiences can hardly have failed to imagine that Figaro and Susanna, favorite characters from the Mozart opera they had loved so much, were back again, here in a purely instrumental guise.

The 38th Symphony was a temporary return to the three-movement, Italian-style symphony, but it is imbued with some of the musical ideas of The Marriage of Figaro, which was about to be staged in Prague. It is considered one of Mozart’s greatest symphonies. Several steps more advanced than anything in that genre he had composed before, it was wildly appreciated by audiences in Prague when it was premiered.

yellow curtain

I got my yellow curtain from Sarojini Nagar market. It was the kind I was wanting for some time then. Checked, cotton, with wooden buttons. When I spotted one, it made my day.

Putting it up was one task. As my window was bereft of a pelmet, I had to have nails hammered on either side. Without a hammer, I did it with a crumbly brick (how clever of me). So, several percussions and lots of brick powder later I managed to get the nails in, but realized (too late) that I had to get the spring and the curtain in BEFORE the second nail was hammered in. Now after much tugging, I got one nail out and did the needful. But ever since that, the second nail is precariously perched in a cave of sorts (the hole for the nail widened into this gaping thing) and the spring bearing my beloved yellow keeps falling off.

Now its been behaving itself. I hammered the incorrigible nail with a giant Vaseline jar and... bingo.. it worked!!

Crumpled thoughts

More gashes across the mindless disconnected sentences. More crumpled paper balls. Yellow crumples, pink, powder blue, and now I’ve reached the green pages of my notepad. Before I construct a rainbow of sorts, I’d rather stop. And what’s the fun in doing it on a computer? After the painful cycle of deleting and restoring from the recycle bin my attempts at rudimentary prose, I empty the darned bin so that the rubbish is lost forever. 0’s and 1’s lost in an unfathomable silicon maze.

Memories of my puerile attempts at rhyme, insisting that the last two words of consecutive lines rhymed thus twisting the sentences into syntax horrors - descended upon me. I’ve been trying for some time now, to put pen to paper for reasons FAR from academic. But words don’t come out. My thought process and imagination have been eroded by years of wasteful rusting... imbibing whatever was taught to me and faithfully exuding those imbibed fluids onto examination sheets. Unquestioningly, in a manner expected of a good obedient student, I have been corroding my intellect by that continuum of absorption and desorption, interspersed with periods of blank, thoughtless idleness. My thoughts amble like aimless blades of dried grass meandering in the mini currents of a stream. Some wisps adhere to the muddy bank, while some, enmeshed together, gather bits of skeletonized leaves from here and there. Others disperse and get lost in the gurgling rush. No thread of continuity.

hungarian dance 5

Move over Amadeus

I think I've fallen for Brahms

I don't think he's Aquarius

But i'm just in love with 'Hungarian Dance'

Electric-blue gladioli

They looked artificial. Just like the artificially coloured orchids at florists’. Never seen a gladiolus in that fluorescent blue hue. Realized the dyed-water trick used to colour orchids – the orchid stalks are inserted in little plastic vials of blue dye. Fine, but why that garish colour, that no flower could naturally acquire?
The usual mauve, flaming orange or pristine white that gladioli usually come in would’ve looked so lovely. These stuck out like sore thumbs.
Now someone once said that an ideal gift for an Aquarian gal would be electric blue heels. Well, however Aquarian I may be, I’d never wear a pair of those. Oh yes, I’d gladly accept them, model them in the privacy of my room wearing an electric blue feathery stole (that I bought on some weird whim and never wore) and that’s about it. The heels and the plume would sit in all their electric blue glory in one corner of my wardrobe.

Amazing Amadeus

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart must have been a quintessential aquarian. Well, his birthday is a day earlier than mine so I feel I can relate to his music. The frequent ups and downs… see I don’t know it in music terminology… but the modulations or whatever are so aquarian. Unpredictable twists and turns… like the 25th concerto. As for marriage of Figaro… its just super.